Judgements, conversation and thoughts

I had an interesting conversation with a lady at the doctors in Queenstown last week about ‘size’, ‘weight’, ‘appearance’, and how some people feel it’s ok to ask questions that might be deemed inappropriate.

In this lovely lady’s case, she is naturally extremely slim, and as we discussed on the end of the spectrum where some might worry there is something wrong, however, in her case it is just a case of genes and exceptionally fast metabolism.

Now, how did we get onto this conversation…

Well I had just had the first spirometry test to check my lung function and the nurse of course weighed me and well compared to the last time I weighed myself it had gone up about 3kg = I was not a happy camper, and as I was sitting there and we got chatting one thing lead to another (tends to happen with me, people open up quickly and easily a lot of the time), we were discussing our different experiences and she said people often ask me ‘are you ok, you’re so skinny!?’ and we got curious about if people ask the same question at the other end of the spectrum, something like ‘are you ok, you’re so fat!?’ - now that for a weird reason sounds more offensive, but both are equally offensive (obviously there will be times when this is genuine concern from a loved one… but there are also times it can come from strangers).

I was shocked to know that people had asked her that question and said even when I was at my largest a number of years back I was never asked anything along those lines.

It did lead us down the track of discussing judgements and misconceptions, how we are wired to automatically judge as it saves us time and energy, such as is that person trustworthy.

Unfortunately, she was taken in by the doctor and we didn’t get to finish the conversation, or I would have told her I have judgement in other ways, just this year, for example, I have had judgement from the medical professionals I should be able to trust.

A note on my file read ‘trying to get fit at the gym’ and ‘obese discuss diet and exercise’ - now they have never discussed diet and exercise with me, and after my confronting them they likely won’t, but I wasn’t going to let them away with comments like that.

These notes were after finding out I had Hypothyroidism and Hashimoto’s, both complement each other nicely to help you ‘not lose weight easily’, and I have friends who can attest to finishing my meals for me and I remember fondly my friends Mom in Colombia being very worried as I could never finish a meal whilst there.

Words can destroy a person so easily, they stick and can be really hard to move forward from. They can become a label, a way to put you in a box - heck you could be doing it to yourself or someone else puts that thought in and does it to us.

Instant judgement is one thing and it takes into account so many factors, but judgement after knowing the facts… that is just unacceptable.

What got me thinking about this and writing about it?

All of our lives we judge and compare ourselves to others, I know I do and have… suffering bouts of imposter syndrome and not feeling good enough, not wanting to go to the gym because ‘what will people think of me’, wanting to set challenges but then holding back until ‘I’m good enough’.

If I continue to do this then I’ll keep moving through life letting others control my narrative, even though they know nothing about me.

These can come from embedded behaviours from birth till now, and there is no reason we can’t reframe and take back control, not let the words a stranger, a doctor, or specialist has written have an impact. Relook at how they might be meaning what they’ve said, our mindset when it was said to us, and more.

One comment I remember so well was our last day on the Kokoda Track, we’ve all successfully climbed up and down for 9 days and 120+ km’s in the world’s toughest jungle trek… and now my last memory of that time was my 21-year-old Porter talking to me as we climbed the last hill and he said ‘Anna you walk up hills so slowly, but you go down fast’, thankfully I now laugh about that every time I’m climbing a hill… I hear Simeon’s words and in my head say ‘yes Simeon, but I’ll always get there!’.

What’s my moral or thinking here… Right now, it’s thinking before we comment, asking ourselves what could be happening for that person and if I’m to comment why am I doing it?

If the answer to that question is ‘to make myself feel better’, then that is the wrong answer… and we need to look at why this is the case and what we need to work on.

Now, as for me and my body deciding that it just wants to continue to gain weight… I know some of that is a muscle weighs heavier ratio, some that I have to accept my body fights against itself and causes inflammation which in turn means fluid retention or weight gain (highly annoying), that I need to monitor my stress levels to rest when I need to rest and yet still move daily. That I also need to monitor my food and keep making small consistent changes, as consistency is key.

Turning up for ourselves daily is the most important thing we can be doing!