For a long time I have always battled with myself, with my thoughts, my weight, expectations, limiting beliefs and the list can go on.
Is this due to me or to what society says I am meant to be, I am not sure but what I am sure on is that whilst swimming a km last week I realised that 'I am me', no one else bar myself is in control of my thoughts, body, emotions and actions, it is all down to myself and no one else can judge as they don't know (unless they ask) as most people just see the external.
Over the last 12-24 months I have been on a huge journey, one that has had me not wanting to get out of bed but at the same time confused as I was thinking my life is great, I work for an amazing company, get to travel, speak, influence and see so many successes personally and with clients, so why can't I get out of bed, and when I got to that point I didn't seek help, I just kept pushing.
I do remember twice ringing Sydney Integrative Medicine to make an appointment, but then cancelling which was the silliest thing to do, as when I did make that appointment in June 2015 it was the best step I made towards healing, plus the B12 shots were amazing and life changing! (More on that in an earlier post)
What held me back from asking for help earlier I won't know, pride, or scared of the unknown, but what I do know is that had I have gotten assistance when I first started getting those symptoms it would have been a lot easier to bounce back.
So now I am working with a body that doesn't want to play ball, and I see the looks and the judgements, hell I do it to myself (likely the worst offender). But I do know that this body can still swim a km+ each time I get in the pool, happily walk me 4-6+ km if I go out in the morning and survive through Andy's tough PT sessions twice a week, and this is helping to shape the external me, the me that society wants to see as it makes it easier on them.
I have written on my bathroom mirror "I am me" and "Its the small things that count", each step, each good decision, each time I simply be nice to myself, noticing the thought patterns, and breaking them as they come up, as they are all a part of the circle of "Me", everything is connected.
So I am me, I will push myself and be kind to myself, I will remember to smile and to observe not just my feelings but those around me, to not put my insecurities onto others but to see them for who they are, we all have so much potential and it takes someone to believe in us, someone to say 'are you ok', or can I help and this could be to a friend, a colleague or a stranger.
We might live in this overly connected and yet disconnected world, but the one thing we all crave is connection.
So remember this the next time you subconsciously or consciously make a judgement about someone, that no one is perfect and it goes back to that old saying 'those in glasshouses shouldn't throw stones'.