Today I had a reminder to be nice and it was really hard not to go back with the aim to hurt... I have recently again ventured into the charming world of online dating, and yes it is everything most people say and more.
I have been told by a client that only signing up to the paid sites is the way to go and that will be what happens when I get my courage up again. However, in this past week or so I ventured into the easy and non paid versions out there, yes I know I know, I shouldn't do this!
Now, where does this reminder to be nice come from... I met a certain man, (I can't really say gentleman), and he played all the tricks in his playbook - the nice guy, standoffish guy, kill a girl with kindness guy, the doubtful guy, the complimentary guy, he just seemed to have it all down and well quite frankly after a week I was tiring of it. This is when a rule of 'meet me and like me, then make a plan for date 2' comes into play, but he was playing the 'really, why would you want to see me again' card, which made me think he is insecure in himself.
However... that all came to a head today when I decided enough was enough, no more games it isn't going to go any further (this is after a week and a half post the first meeting and a lot of messages). What ensued next from this said man, was his ability to hit all the pain points - age, marital status (or lack of), health, fitness, weight... all in one foul swoop in approx. 40 words he managed to take me down.
This really reminded me why I am not going to settle for the wrong guy and being nice is so important, plus the old saying 'if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all!', as I know that I want someone that will build me up, challenge and make me a better person, similar values and dreams. This is something that we all need, as apparently relationships aren't always easy.
I did have the last word, before deleting all his details, and reminded him that if he wouldn't say these things to his mother or sister, then never say it to another female. Will he have learnt, I strongly doubt it, but I am glad that I didn't lie down and let those words settle with me.
It is the lesson that we never know what people are going through and we shouldn't judge without first finding out, and to me it was a reminder to be strong, go for what I am wanting and not settling for second best as I am worth it!
As I sit here, write and reflect it makes me wonder what has happened to make him insecure, what journey he has been on to be in that place and the place that will hit back with hurtful comments to ensure coming out on the winning side.
When/if I approach the world of online dating again, I will be paying for a site, being clear on what I want and anyone that seems like the above won't be given too much of my precious time.