The nerves are real!

Proper Planning Prevents Poor Performance... or Piss Poor Performance, whatever version you want to take... But, even with all the planning and preparation both mentally and physically nerves can still try to take you out.

And that happened to me at approximately 5 pm tonight as I was heading to the chiropractor.  I was leaving the office and an overwhelming feeling came over me that just made me want to cry.  Now, I'm used to nerves and they fuel us on to perform, to play our best for the team, to push ourselves to achieve, win the game, try a new skill, the list goes on, so I know nerves are good for me.

But, reality set in and suddenly my subconscious took over and kicked into survival mode, and now it turns out that that for me survival seems to be one of two things - curling up and hiding from life wishing someone would realise I needed help but not wanting to ask for it, or shopping!  Tonight I was lucky I had a deadline to be out of the city as suddenly I was in JB-HiFi looking at Garmin watches...  Now do I need one - No, would it be more practical than the Apple Watch I have - Yes, but really for on Kokoda I want to be as technology free, which means my phone is my secondary camera and provider of time at night. 

Thankfully I had to be at the chiropractor which meant removing myself from the store and it was only later that I had time to realise this is my default mechanism, my unconscious kicking in and going into a safe zone - and trust me I would have had big buyers regret post even though they were on sale.  

So, yes, I'm freaking nervous about next week!  The challenges I'll face, the moments wondering if I can do it, if I put enough work in, if I'm even really ever ready for a challenge like this, all the unknowns and realising I can't control the situation, all I can do is breathe, move each day step by step, focus on being grateful that I was able to go on this adventure and relax as before I know it it will all be over and I'll be wondering if I missed any opportunities or moments due to my nerves getting the better of me. 

Today is the kick I needed 6 days out to go - You can do it, you've got this!  And I know that I have so many amazing people walking this track with me, so I just need to chill the ... out...  ;-)

I'll gather myself together and keep visualising walking out at Owers Corner on September 12th 2018.